The feeling of giving up.

2 months on Zoloft, 137.2 pounds

It’s been a month or so since my last post, and much has happened. I had a birthday. I unfriended and subsequently blocked SP on facebook. I put myself back on match again. I had a date with new guy. I got rejected by new guy. Oh, good times.

I unfriended SP at the end of January. It was through no communication of mine or his that led to it. In fact, we haven’t spoken since mid-January. I just decided it was the right thing to do. I actually felt a sense of relief afterwards. I was moving on, and finally realizing that he was no good for me. After a couple weeks, I came to the conclusion that I really did not want the kind of person that he was in my life. So, blocking him on facebook seemed to be the final act to close the door. 

Mid-February, I was feeling a little stronger. So, I figured, why not open my match profile back up. I reconnected with a guy that contacted me back in December. He lived about 2.5 hours away, but had a lot of potential. As it turns out, he was going to be in the area for a meeting, so he asked if we could meet. I’m all for not dragging out online getting-to-know-you sessions, and thought it would be good to seize the opportunity. So, we met a few days ago. 

He was attractive in person, too. The conversation flowed so easily. We laughed a ton. But, he never complimented my appearance, and the end of the date left me wondering if he was really into me. We exchanged text messages later that evening. He said he enjoyed his evening and looked forward to seeing me again. It sounded semi-promising, but I wasn’t get my hopes up. 

He had a decision to make. He had two job offers… one in my town, and one 8 hours away from my town. He has 2 young daughters, so choosing my town would put him much closer to them. Choosing the further-away job would put him 10 hours away from them. Today on match, he changed his location in his profile to the far-away town. Looks like I lose. Game over.

The opportunity of dating someone seems so elusive to me. I just want a chance. 

I called my doctor today to up my dose of Zoloft. We had talked about increasing the dose a few weeks ago. We agreed to wait it out and see if I felt I needed an increase. I was already considering calling her last week. Nothing like another rejection to seal the deal. 

And if you haven’t noticed, I have gained a few pounds. I must say that I have been eating quite a bit more, and have been inactive lately. So, I take full responsibility for the increase in tonnage. 

And so, I feel like calling it quits on the dating scene once again. I keep going through the motions. It always ends the same for me. I can’t help but feel like my time has passed. 

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