Loving me is a joke.

Rejection. It’s a part of life. For me, it’s a constant theme. In the end, I feel undateable. Why have me when there is something else out there that is surely better? 

How many guys are there who contact women on Match, and then after a couple of exchanges, **Poof!**, they disappear? What’s the point? Unless you intend to meet in person to determine if there is any chemistry, it’s a waste of time. Reject me after you meet me! The **Poof!** has happened twice in the past month and a half. In years prior, I have had a handful of **Poof!** experiences. **Poof!** guys, please stop contacting me!

SP’s young reunited girlfriend turned the big 2-1. Now she can be a legal mess. Watch out bars and clubs. Lock up your sons! Luckily, she has befriended the likes of SP’s sister and a few of his ex-girlfriends, too. Awww… now it sound all official. They are a couple. Or at least in her mind they are. Who knows?

I have not spoken to SP since the beginning of January, and I don’t plan to ever again. Our relationship seemingly never happened in his eyes. So, why keep someone like that who thinks that you are nothing? Unfortunately, I keep finding the guys who think that about me. I’m the throw away. I’m the joke.

It often feels like a finding a guy who will want and maintain a relationship with me is a fruitless effort. Do I keep attracting the dirt, or is there hope for me? Is it possible that someone, someday will actually love me? And I mean for real love me, and not just say it in order to get married and have a “show” relationship so people believe you are one thing, but deep down inside you are hiding who you really are. Oh, I have entered that realm of starting to disclose why my engagement ended many years ago. Well, that’s deserving of a whole post another time.

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