If I were a boy.

Last May, I had reached a state of numbness. It had been 5 months since I had seen SP, and 4 months that I had cut off contact from him. I had gone out on dates with 3 different men. Nothing went past the first date. The first guy decided to take a job in another city, so that was pointless to pursue. The other 2 guys I had no interest in continuing to get to know. One was just not a good match for me. He was nice, but I had no physical attraction to him.

Guy #3 had suggested that we go to a comedy club for our first date. I thought that was a wonderful and original idea. I met up with him in the lobby of the club. We go to get our tickets. I take out my wallet. I give the cashier my credit card. She asks if I am paying for the both of us. He stands there and says nothing and does nothing. I look at him, and he still says nothing. I kindly say to the cashier, “I’m sure he can pay for himself. I would just like one ticket, please.” If I had not said anything, he would have let me pay for him. I have no problems paying for myself, but considering that he asked me out, I don’t feel as if I should pay for him, too. If we had been dating, then I would have been happy to pay for the two of us, as I have with boyfriends past. But, this is date one.

We watch the show, and the beginnings of the date keep playing out in my mind. But, I decide to dismiss it, as I often do with bad behavior. After the show, we head downstairs to the nearly deserted bar and chat for a couple hours. I am easy to talk to, as I’ve been told, as I work in a helping profession. So, long, easy-flowing conversations with me are not hard to come by. After our time at the bar, we head out to the parking lot. It’s dark. There are not a lot of people around. I walk with him to his car. I thank him for the date. He thanks me for walking him to his car. Then I walk to my car… in the dark, alone.

Was I just the dude on this date? What just happened?

He texted me the next day, saying that he enjoyed our date and wanted to see me again. I never responded.



One thought on “If I were a boy.

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